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Messed Up Loser Seeks Soulmate

craigslistmonamour:

(M4W Platonic. 2010)

Hiya, 
I originally was going to answer an ad, but everyone seems to be shopping for bargain basement modern day Fabios…Fabioes?…Fabii? 
Now what in tarnation is the plural of Fabio? Does anyone still remember fabio? I used to work in a bookstore in the nineties and one of the sections 
I was in charge of was the romance section.
Unfortunately I shall never forget Fabio….Incidentally I am no Fabio. 
Well anyway, here is an outline,

1.)I do not jog, workout, camp, reach the heights of physical perfection. Simply put, I feel there are better uses for time.
2)I do not have a car, but I do have a muni pass, and gosh darnit I know how to use it
3)My job is very demanding, sometimes I must work very late. Nothing can be done about this, its the nature of that industry
4) went back to school for a second degree in something complicated and useless for the sheer sake of it. It can be demanding in oct and dec
5)I’m very kinky….yes, I can sicken you. Don’t get the wrong idea I am kind of a prude and I have no shame. Yes. this can be done.
6)If your trolling for sex -move on. I wont engage in intercourse without some sort of connection(ie I must know you quite a while), and I hate blowjobs (for the rest of you…you’d be surprised how necessary it is to write that…I was chased off of craigslist last year…this is my first foray back). 
7).I’m hideous. Mothers clasp their children when I walk by, the elderly become incontinent, dogs howl, cats hide…I believe I’ve inspired science experiments.
8) I have no idea what I am looking for. Sure I want love, but really who needs it…wouldn’t mind someone to go to cafes and galleries with though. 
9)I say socially awkward things occasionally. Rooms fall silent, people wonder what the hell is wrong with me. Honestly, I’m not from this planet.

Hey 9? I think a friend of mine told me that was the path all paths led to life. Hmm, I wonder how she is - haven’t spoken to her since she had a baby, well she was always the spiritual sort so I’ll trust her. 9. 9 shall be the number of things I write about myself. Oh, I am 6’2” and average: meaning I’m not thin, I’m not fat, I’m just there. Thats a photo of my siloughette down there. That’s a shoulderbag not my butt.
I hope I scared the majority of you off because I am only looking for one person to get to know for now. If you’re dating alot of people go ahead it won’t bother me one bit, just don’t insist that I do. If I don’t its either because there’s no one interesting around, I like you, or I just don’t have the time.
Write back say hi, maybe I’m the person you’re looking for(and if so…good god, I am soooo sorry)